When that moment arrives, you realize what kind of person you are capable of being. It’s that moment you prepare for your whole life. The one that you know will shake you to your core when it arrives yet will still doubt, with all of your strength, even when it’s staring you in the face. It’s that moment that will inexplicably shift the dynamics of your family-where joint optimism should probably reign above all and pessimism should be left on the table. It’s that moment that will undoubtedly change your life forever. It’s that moment you’ve witnessed others battling. That one that disproves your, “it won’t ever happen to me” antics. That one that goes against silently questioning, “how could that ever happen to me, I’ve done everything I can to avoid it?” It’s that moment that leaves you standing there, searching for solutions, planning for an even more unknown future, and trying to stay your calmest self all in the same. It’s that moment of truth- the time you can no longer avoid the tough stuff that seemed impossible when you were seven- the tough stuff that adults typically deal with is now your painstaking reality. It’s that moment that inherently makes you stronger- the one that makes you face all of your fears with the delivery of very unwelcome news. It’s that moment when you love a helluva lot harder, you dream a helluva lot bigger, and you ask for the brightest light to shine your way. It’s that kind of moment you loathe- the one that makes you lose your appetite or crave comfort immediately. It’s that moment when voices naturally quiver, faith is immediately questioned, and T’s being crossed and I’s being dotted are no longer on your side. It’s that moment that’s completely out of your control- when you inhale the deepest breath and cry tears that burn as they stream down your weathered cheeks. It’s that moment that leaves you numb, reeling for strength, nodding in front of others in hopes that they stop asking, “are you okay?” It’s that moment when you realize what kind of person you are capable of being- the kind of person that has to deal with shitty news, because sometimes, that unavoidable moment becomes a new daunting addition to your life.
Eckhart Tolle for O Magazine.
Eckhart Tolle’s tips on how to live a more present life:
- forgive yourself or you can carry a burden of guilt for many years
- be vigilant, so that you don’t allow a burden of negative past to accumulate in your mind, in the form of guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, anger and so on
- forgiveness happens naturally as soon as you realize that the past cannot prevail again the power of Presence
- you create a good future by creating a good present
- recognize the goodness that is already inherent in the present moment, even in the midst of challenges
- discontent, blaming, complaining, self-pity cannot serve as a foundation for a good future, no matter how much effort you make
- Where to find that goodness? in all the things that we tend to overlook: feeling the gentle breeze on your skin, the sunlight filtering through the clouds, the sound of the rain, the wagging tail of a dog, the shiny apple you are about to bite into
- it is through gratitude for the present moment that the spiritual dimension of life opens up
feeling somewhat defeated…
- i’m emotionally drained
- i’m stressed with only four weeks left of the semester and so much to get done(4 finals, 2 term papers, a creative project, 2 novels to read and then the everyday work,of course)
- seeing the true colors of people you thought would always going to be there..no matter what..
it’s not always easy, but dammit.. in 4 weeks..life will be soooo much better.
the last week has been bittersweet.
i am letting go of certain people in my life and am clinging to those that i know will make me a happier, better person.
i have been productive, i have remained optimistic and i know that in making life changes, i will be better in the end.
nyc to me represents dreams.
nyc has always been close to my heart and in one year from now, i will be applying for jobs out that way.
it’s the little things that keep me going.
ending the weekend knowing that the little things are why i can continue to look forward to an unknown future.
i have faith in that.
could it be reality? God, i hope so.
a palm sunday lesson.
the pastor at my hometown church is amazeballs. he is constantly making references to pop culture events in order to connect jesus’ mission to missions that are still being lived out presently. it’s a way of teaching and sharing with a congregation that i both admire and understand better.
after butler’s win last night, it would only seem natural that dr. kent millard would connect a victory to a palm sunday life lesson. so, he did.
it just so happens that the coach of the bulldogs, brad stevens, is a member of this particular church. he and his wife and two children are active in the church and have made quite an impression for dr. millard, as well.
dr. millard shared a conversation that he once had with coach stevens. he had asked coach “how do you have such a good team when you’re one of the smallest schools in the country, yet you can take down large university teams?”
coach stevens replied, “because of the butler way. with values that help our game but also values that the guys can take out into the real world and through life.”
as coach stevens continued to explain the values: those are humility, passion, unity and self-service, i thought about just how true the connection is between sports and life. between pop-culture events and faith. the idea that one person could go for the lime-light but the most successful of teams are those that work together; trying to rally around support from each individual in order to create a mass of greatness.
it’s a way of life. a way of life that doesn’t always make sense but yet keeps a person grounded, blessed and sincere. a way of life that isn’t supposed to judge the less fortunate or boast to others, it’s supposed to evoke change in individuals to create a better program, a better unite and a better bond.
so while, dr. millard shared this encounter with coach stevens, the story was great but the take-away message was so much more; living your life in a way that benefits others just as much your own self. you’ll never be disappointed with the feelings and results that follow when you help another person.
tomorrow afternoon, I will be getting clear braces.
Am i excited? hell no.
But have i been overdosing on pain meds over the last 3 months in order to deal with my teeth deciding to move 10 years after getting braces taken off? yes.
So, in order for me to remain somewhat sane, the braces have to be put on for 5 months in hopes of avoiding jaw surgery.
Will i look cool? well, probably not.
But will i remain fashionable from the neck down? God, I hope so.
And really, considering how fast time passes by, August will be here before i know and I will go back to being my naturally nerdy graduate student self sans braces.
Keep your fingers crossed that once the clear braces are attached the pain quickly subsides. That would be quite dreamy at this point!
But what am I supposed to do?
Bitch about it?
What would be the point of that?
today has been a good day.
despite the fact that i will be spending the next couple hours writing a paper that is due tomorrow (yikes!)
i worked out, i have on this very comfy thermal from primp and now have a gallon of starbucks coffee sitting in a recycled cup next to me as i type…
..ok, not a gallon, but close. and so delicious.
the only thing that would make today better? well, some weather above freezing would be nice, a new pair of pretty shoes, and somebody else willing to write my paper? is this too much to ask?
i guess i’ll settle with my optimistic thought…today is a good day.