the number that showed up on yesterday’s final weigh in scale was the lowest number i’d seen in a few years.
when i was in grad school, i would come back to indy on breaks and mama j would often tell me that i needed to be eating more.
“mom, i’m fine,” i’d tell her, but i knew she genuinely cared.
i lost 15 pounds when i was in kansas.
i wasn’t trying to lose weight. i was stressed, not eating enough, always reading, always writing, always on the go, took up running, looked to walks as my saving grace on the weekends, and ended up consequently concerning my mother.
that’s the thing about weight loss, you can take it too far.
over the last three months, i’ve realized just how obsessive working out can become.
as i previously stated, i started involving others in the madness of calories in/calories out,
my weekend plans revolved around when i could get in those 4 hours of cardio rather than when i could get in those 4 hours of socializing with dear friends.
i’m glad i was able to recognize and begin to rectify my change in behavior before it went too far.
hard work (and being rewarded for hard work) can feel good, but i truly believe a balance needs to be found.
i received a message from an anonymous person last week accusing me of putting the drastic diet i’ve been on since January into the same basket as a healthy lifestyle change.
i hope we’re all aware at this point that i do not recommend the drastic measures i took to lose as much weight as i did.
i would never recommend two-a-days in the middle of a work week, missing family dinners in order to get in a 6 mile run, turning down happy hour drinks because it’d be too many allotted calories, throwing a tantrum because you can’t have baked goods, or having to say no to bridal shower cake because it’s clearly more carbs than protein.
yesterday, after the final weigh in, & after the scale revealed that my weight is lower than it’s been in years, i took some time to think about balance and where to go from here.
and to be honest, i’m not really sure.
i took 24 hours to indulge in foods i’d removed from my diet over the last 90 days.
that was an enjoyable first step (!!!).
i had a piece of Mama J’s homemade blueberry loaf for breakfast, a delicious cupcake from my favorite Flying Cupcake in the afternoon, strawberry shortcake for an appetizer & chocolate chip pancakes for dinner…
my body wasn’t so sure what to do with the sugar shock, but being gluttonous, developing a carb-induced food baby, and not feeling guilty or like i was going to be letting my #fattypatty teammate down was well worth it.
i know it’ll take a minute to get back into a more balanced routine and per usual, i’m up for the challenge!
(picture of Bentley & me during a grad school break in 2010…clearly exhausted.)