last week, i put away my scale.
during the months of January- April, i reached unhealthy proportions with my eating & working out habits.
this is something people don’t often warn you about when you enter a competition, “excessive working out & counting calories can lead to an obsession causing you to ditch social events so you can work out, look at sweets with disgust, and even, push through pain because you’re so afraid you’ll gain an ounce that you worked so hard to take off.”
i know i would have entered the competition regardless of said warning, but trying to look past the effects of those 4 months has been more difficult than i ever imagined. i look back at pictures of myself during that time & know i wasn’t genuinely happy because i was depriving myself of so much on a daily basis- friends, food, family.
last week, i put away the scale because i had become so obsessed with a number. it’s true, i became that girl. if i gained an ounce, i let it throw off my morning. if i lost an ounce, i felt this sense of happiness that should only be felt when something truly happy occurs, not when you de-bloat & happen to see a drop in water weight.
when my hip started bugging me a few week backs, i realized that i hadn’t taken more than 3 days off from working out since January 21st. even in the midst of unemployment, stressful days at work, weekend getaways, etc etc etc, i still found time to work out, & it wasn’t because i wanted to, it was because i felt i had to.
last week, for the first time in 9+ months, i took a solid seven days off from working out. i ate when i felt hungry. i drank all the drinks when i reunited & celebrated with friends. i indulged in wine & sugary goodness when i craved it. i savored every morsel & gave my body a much-needed break.
& this week, i enrolled in a few barre classes because i looked forward to signing up rather than feeling pressure to attend.
balance is a difficult thing to achieve when we (ourselves & outsiders) feel pressure to be, look & act a particular way, but being able to step back & enjoy each day in a new light, that’s one of the best things i’ve done for myself in a long, long time.
last week, i put away the scale…& i think i’m gonna be just fine without it.