yesterday morning, i posted the following image with the caption,
“dear Wednesday, I started my day at 5 am because I wanted to make the most out of you. in return, please be kind. xo, B.”
who would’ve known a mere 4 hours later, i’d be sitting unemployed. how’s that for kindness?
it was all kind of a blur. waking up at 5 am to get in an early morning run. a quick stop at Starbucks to pick up a venti blonde. a morning walk with Zach, my beloved co-worker, as we discussed the eeriness felt throughout the office. being called into a meeting room with 9 other people where no real words of compassion, understanding or emotion were expressed— it was all from a script, like a third grader performing at their first Grandparent’s Day assembly.
by ten a.m., i had consumed enough caffeine to take on another day of writing & editing. by noon, i was standing in the parking lot with my office belongings in a foreign bag hanging from my shoulder & not one clue where to begin.
the truth is, i could sense this coming for months. i’d been mentally preparing myself to be a survivor, once again, of a RIF (after all, the last one occurred just 9 months prior). what i didn’t prepare for was that i would actually be one of those let go.
yesterday, i was subjected to seeing tears fall from the eyes of people who had earned my respect, i was disappointed in those who couldn’t acknowledge my presence as they passed by post-cut, i was humbled by the outpouring of support i received & i was proud i was able to hold in all emotions until i arrived at the comfort of my home.
today, it’s been over 24 hours since i received the news, & a somewhat shotty game plan has been put into place.
i don’t know what all of this means, i don’t know how my name got thrown into the mix, i don’t know if i’ll ever be able to respect those who made the decision yet didn’t have the audacity to look me in the eyes,
but i do know i’ll figure it out. i always do.
i spent 18 months at a place where i never felt truly respected, & i think it’s time i find somewhere that i am.
“good things are coming” is what they used to say, & for once, i finally believe it. because after the events that took place yesterday, good things truly can be headed my way…